


Self-Awareness

by Shiny_snotra



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Break Up, F/M, M/M, Patient Eliott, Self-Reflection, That boy is so whipped, angry lucas, hell week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 07:39:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18383951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiny_snotra/pseuds/Shiny_snotra
Summary: Let's go into Eliott's mind, and what he thinks of Lucas, Lucille, and the first Hell Week.





	Self-Awareness

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> This is my first ever work on ao3, and to publish in the Skam Fandom... This is weird and I'm very stressed haha.
> 
> English is not my first language, so I hope there are not too many mistakes.
> 
> This work is dedicated to the wonderful Elu Discord, my Skamily. Love you my mecs. Wouldn't be here without you.
> 
> Enjoy!

Confusion. Fear. Self-deprecation. An overall feeling of uselessness. Those were the thoughts gnawing at Eliott’s mind, devouring his heart and plaguing his sleep. Everything had been so perfect before. Before Eliott had to ruin everything. Before his illness consumed him, burned his heart and his hopes. Lucille had tried to get him out of this mindset, but she was just irritating. Things were broken between them. Long before him. But she seemed to think that it was just his illness talking, that they could fix their relationship. How could you fix something that was too broken to function? She was safety, but… she was also a constant reminder of what was wrong. He had not yet forgotten her for her little stunt during the double date. It had hurt. Badly. He was a constant failure, he knew it, but saying it in front of that stupid girl? That was treason. His life, his details to share. Leaving with him had been an impulse, but such a good one. Taking him to la Petite Ceinture, sharing such an intimate part of him with his boy, his Lucas.

Lucas was bright, he was the sun, the light. Lucas was hope. And Eliott had selfishly thought he could have that little slice of heaven. But he was quickly reminded that he was not good. I don’t need mentally ill people in my life. It had hurt. Crushing his mind, and stabbing his heart. Because yes, he was not good for people. He only destroyed. And his brave, bright Lucas didn’t need to be destroyed. Eliott had tried to keep his mask on, but he had seen the look in Lucas’ eyes, the look of fear and doubt. _Oh baby, I’m so sorry, but you’re right, you’re better without me, I’ll just hurt you._ He had said goodbye to his boy, and left. And Lucille, she was safety, she was home. He tried to lure his mind, to trick himself into believing he could go on, he could forget Lucas.

Only he was wrong. He realised that now. Not a second went by without the bright boy in his mind. _How can I fix this?_ So Eliott put on his brave face, his mask, before going to school, trying to scheme. He doodled a bit, hoping to get an opportunity to communicate with Lucas. The cantine provided that. Except it wasn’t good, oh no. Lucas looked crushed, so little, so fragile. It broke Eliott’s heart.

“If I were you I’d take both of them.”  
“Sometimes you have to choose.”  
"Do you think in kitchen..."   
“Sorry I can’t.”

He had taken the opportunity to sneak the doodle inside Lucas’ pocket, but their talk was bad. _I did this to him._ Lucas ran, then stopped, then skipped lunch. And Eliott saw his friends at a table, and Chloe at another one. What had happened to his precious boy? Then he heard the rumors. Chloe had outed Lucas at her party last Friday. It made his blood boil. What right did she have to do that?! She had taken away Lucas’ choice, and this was so not okay. She had probably talked with Lucille.

When he got home, she was there. They argued, again, and once again she tried to pin his love for Lucas on his illness. Eliott was so done with her.

“That’s it, we’re breaking up. Stop treating me like a fucking child who doesn’t know what he feels!”  
“Don’t come back crying like last time!”

That was a low blow, and he made her leave, not even caring that it was late. Fuck her. He wanted to explore his feelings alone, to see the reality of it. He wanted to talk to Lucas, they needed to talk. But the sweet boy was fragile now, it was not the time to be honest, to admit everything. That was okay. Eliott would wait. For him.


End file.
